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Saff Mitten: Sometimes the Best Way to Support Someone Through IVF Is Simply to Listen

Saff Mitten/saffmittentherapy.co.uk

Oct 15, 2026, 18:16

Saff Mitten: Sometimes the Best Way to Support Someone Through IVF Is Simply to Listen

Saff Mitten, Counsellor and Psychotherapist at Saff Mitten Counselling and Psychotherapy, shared on LinkedIn։

“A lot of the things people said to reassure me during IVF left me feeling more alone.

They offered advice, stories about someone else who got pregnant, or a certainty that my turn would come when the time was right.

If you have been through it, I am sure you have probably heard comments like these…

‘How exciting that you’re doing IVF.’

‘Everything happens for a reason.’

‘Try to think positively, and it will happen.’

I knew people meant well. But these comments often felt misplaced, and so often I came away from those conversations feeling even more isolated and alone.

Sometimes I wanted to explain why their words hurt. Other times, I was too exhausted to have that conversation. So I smiled, said very little, or told them I was OK when I was struggling far more than they realised.

When someone described IVF as exciting, I wanted them to understand that having a chance was different from knowing it would work. When they assured me my turn would come, I knew they were promising something nobody could guarantee.

And when someone asked how I was, I often didn’t know how to explain how much this experience was changing me, or how far I felt from the person I used to be.

That is one of the hardest parts of infertility – being surrounded by people who care about you, but still feeling that nobody really understands what you are living through.

What I needed was room to be honest about how frightened, angry, exhausted and sad I felt. To hear something like, ‘I don’t know what this is like for you, but I’m here and I want to listen.’

You don’t have to have experienced infertility to offer that kind of support. Being willing to listen, without trying to make the situation sound more hopeful, can mean a great deal.

My own experience is a big part of why I specialise in supporting women through IVF and infertility as a counsellor and psychotherapist.

I know how much can go unsaid. I want women to have somewhere they can say what they actually think and feel, including the things they worry might sound unkind, ungrateful or too difficult for someone else to hear – including anger, resentment, grief, envy, fear, and hopelessness.

And I want women to feel supported and reassured that what they are feeling is valid and normal in the circumstances.

I am a counsellor and psychotherapist who supports women with infertility, IVF, miscarriage, and being childless not by choice, because I have lived through this journey myself, and I know how profoundly challenging it is, regardless of the outcome.”

Saff Mitten: Sometimes the Best Way to Support Someone Through IVF Is Simply to Listen